My last entry.

   Well, if you have followed this blog throughout the past year you have read an amazing story, and a true story.
   Now a lot of you may see that I never finished this blog, my last post being in April, and it's simply because a lot of things happened at the end of NET that I wasn't too ready to write about. So let's fill you in. First, it was April 25 when I got the news that my biological dad who had been sick for the past 10 years was dieing. It was the 27th of April when I went home to see him and May 7th when he passed away. That was a lot to handle. 10 days with him after not seeing him since August and a year before that. Needless to say, it was difficult. I went back to NET though 2 days after to finish out my last week. To be honest, I partially didn't write a last blog because I didn't have much time to reflect on the 9 month journey I had been on with all of the present happenings.
   So here we are now. NET ended May 16th and I spent a few extra days in MN with my mom and step dad to get away for a little while. To be honest returning home wasn't difficult at first, I felt confident and secure and ready to take on the world. I missed my teammates but honestly was ready to move forward. June came and I got my job at starbucks back and then July where I found a romance pick up. The job I still have but after prayerful consideration a relationship I do not at the moment. Powerful to think about honestly because a year ago it would have been different. Let me explain.
   A year ago today I didn't know who I was, where I was going, or how loved I was and am by God. I was living a double life and had done a lot of bad things and made a lot of terrible choices against purity of heart, mind, body, and soul. To simply be able to write this today brings tears to my eyes for so much has changed. The person I was found who I truly am over this past year. I met amazing people, grew close to 8 other strangers who became my family, (shout out to Mack, Berns, Isaac, Beth, Sam, Stephen, Amanda, and Phillium) learned about love for myself, others, and God himself, developed a love for prayer (even when it is difficult), learned perserverance, patience, and obidience. I climbed mountains literally and figuratively, walked on (frozen water, thanks MN), took a leap or faith and went on a dating fast that I intend to keep till November, and among tons of other things found out that the love I had been so desperately searching for in my restlessness was real, and that it is in our Lord Jesus.
   Now although many things have changed there are still some things I still do not know, like where I am headed to next, or God's brilliant plan for my life. But what I do know is that I am right where I am meant to be.
   Being back from NET has not been easy, there are days where I don't pray and regret it and where I forget some of the things I have learned... There are good days and bad days and unorganized days. There is honestly times when i just sit in my room and cry because living a Catholic or even Christian life in todays world is so hard...But then there are days like today. Days that bring me back to where I was a year ago and remind me of how I want to keep going with the life I have now, the one rooted deeper in Christ.
   There is really nothing else to say and I don't know if I will ever fully be able to put into words what I do feel most of the time, but let me leave you with this. He loves you. On your worst days remember that he loves you. When you don't know who you are know that he loves you. When your happy, sad, confused, frusterated, depressed, downcast, giddy, childlike, angry, worn down, laughing or crying... he loves you. In all things he loves you, and knowing that love,  accepting that love, and owning that love even when all else is lost, will always pull you though. It's what keeps you safe, and helps you return to the place you know he always wants you, in his arms. He loves you. Know that, begin to know God, and you will begin to know yourself. Rest in the side of your Lion, you little lamb. Spend time before him, listen, and adore him in adoration. BE with him because he wants to BE with you.

Thank you for reading and that's it. I could keep writing but also cant... (it makes sense) haha. The journey continues. Praise God, sing his name; reach out and hold his saving hand forever. Know that I am still praying for all of you and your personal relationship with our Lord. Seek him, I promise it's not always easy but you will never regret it. There is more to this life and He is it. 

"You raise me up"- Josh Groban 

Love: Erika JJ Christopher

Happy eatser!!

Wild flowers

That's right kids, it's that time again! Time for a new blog post woo! Ya! Right on! Totally 90's! If you didn't get that reference then thay means that you are not my brother.  Anyways, in all seriousness, hi, thank you for reading and I hope you had a great March. My March was a bit crazy! 

For starters, I am officially going to be a maid of honor! My sister got engaged on March 14th and I'm extremely excited for her. My birthday was also earlier this month on the 16th and I am now feeling 22. Yes, I sang the tayswift song all day long. I recieved a package in the mail from my family and my mom even sent me a card containing clumps of my dogs hair inside. (Gee, thanks mom) I really miss my family. Also earlier this month I had the amazing opprotunity to visit Stevens point Wisconsin (phil's home) for spring break, as well as see Chris Tomlin, Tenth Avenue North, and Rend Collective in concert!!! This has been an exciting month filled with new adventures.

Ministry has been great though. I have continued to disciple young women closer to Christ as well as prepare my confirmation group for the upcoming ceremony. A part of me still can not believe that I will be leaving Forest Lake a little over a month from now. It has been a crazy ride but worth it... here is why...

To be honest everyone, this month was particularly difficult for me spiritually. I am overcoming a lot of the battle with my anxiety over the future. I found myself stressing and feeling like I had to have everything figured out; that God wanted me to have it all figured out. Well, my friend's, that wasn't truth. You see, I looked up what exactly anxiety was and what I came across was that it is a 'lack of trust for what the future holds'. Me in a nutshell, up until recently. I gave this to the Lord and began to see that he did not want me to feel as if I had to figure it all out. He wants me to live in the present moment; live right now. This concept is so new to me because I have never done it before. For as long as I have had anxiety I have felt that I had to plan the future, figure out the future, especially God's will. But what I came to find is that God's will is not only in my tomorrow's but in my today. Without living his will today, I will never get to tomorrow.

He says "Learn from the way the wild flowers grow. They do not work or spin. But I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was clothed like on of them." Mathew 6:28-29

I want to be as the wildflowers are and simply grow knowing the Lord will take care of me. I don't need to worry, for my future is in good hands.

One last thing, I encourage everyone to consecrate themselves to Mary. I did this month, and during some of my darkest nights, Mary was sometimes the only calming wind in the storm. It is true that she leads you closer to Jesus.

Please continue to pray for all of us here on mission. Thank you for reading and I hope you all are well. Let's stop stressing about the coming day and enjoy being in the sunset, for tomorrow will come, and when it does it will hold what we can not even imagine. Jesus, I trust in you.

Love: Erika

Seek Beauty

Discernment:
In order to make any decision, one must first seek the beauty in every option presented to him. For only by seeking the beauty in every possible direction, will one discover which beauty his heart was created for.

"Beholding your beauty is all that I long for, to worship you Jesus is my souls desire. For this very heart you have shaped for your pleasure purposed to lift your name higher"

Changing Relationships.

I wanted to just give a shout out to all the wonderful people the Lord has put into my life. The friendships that have past and the ones that still continue. Truth was spoken to me today regarding friendship and loss. Sometimes it hurts like hek when relationships change, but first off, God knows what he is doing. And second, just because relationships change doesn't mean the memories fade. God gave us memory for a reason, in having one we are able to keep the old memories with us but also venture out and make new ones within that friendship. New transitions in relationships closes an old chapter, yes, but also brings forth a new chapter that waits to be filled with new memories, just as good as the old.

"I belong to my lover and for me he yearns."

"I belong to my lover and for me he yearns. Come, my lover, let us go forth to the fields and spend the night among the villages. Let us go early to the vineyards, and see if the vines are in bloom, If the buds have opened, if the pomegranates have blossomed; There will I give you my love. The mandrakes give forth fragrance, and at our doors are all choice fruits; Both fresh and mellowed fruits, my lover, I have kept in store for you."
Song of Songs 7: 11-14

Woah. Wait a sec. REWIND!

Hey guys, so wow. Ok, I feel kind of embarresed. So I read over my blog post that I just wrote for February and at the end I realized one huge thing... I didn't even mention any of God's work in ministry, and that's terrible. Ha, I was far too wrapped up in my own self and didn't even mention it. Forgive me.
So here is what has been happening with ministry. Gosh it has actually been extremely beautiful. This half has truly shown the amazing works that only God can do. I have had the honor specifically to be asked to be a confirmation sponser, as well as be a small group leader to 2 amazing women's groups. The Lord has helped build such amazing relationships with these girls that sometimes I don't know how he did it. It is truly an honor to have these souls open up to me and to come to me about prayer and other life struggles. And the only thing I can do is lead them to Christ, and share his beauty and love for them; He does the rest.
This half I prayed to fall more in love with the ministry, to aquire a zeal for it, and the Lord truly answered those prayers. Seeing him work in the lives of these young women strengthens my own faith in him as well. He is such a beautiful mystery.
It wasn't until the other day when I found myself saying "God I don't feel like I'm doing anything here..." that God stopped me and I realized that of course I'm not doing anything here... He is. I can help with the mission, but only God does the moving, the working, and the transforming of hearts, not me. And so I am thankful for He Is. If I may ask, please pray for me for dieing to self. Sometimes it's so easy to get wrapped up in what the Lord has been doing in our personal lives and forget to praise him for what he has done through us, without us even knowing, and simply because He Is our God, and continues to love us still. Pray for me and know I am praying for you.

God bless you all,
Erika
"For i have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." Galatians 2:20

"For by grace you have been saved through faith, and this is not from you; it is the gift of God."
Ephesians 2:8-10

Beautiful pictures

Picture of some of my amazing sisters and a picture of a beautiful soul I had the pleasure to encounter the other day :) for you Gus!

"I make all things new"

Oh my golly. Hello :)
Alright so February blog post coming at you! Are you ready? Yay, me neither! I honestly just cannot believe it is already the end of February! And that I'm turning 22 on the 16th of next month! Craziness!
Wow, well alright let me begin by saying that this month has been absolutely trying in some areas but also undeniably  beautiful in others. But before we get into what I have learned this month, let's recap it shall we? Duh! Yes.
So as most of you have probably known for a while,  February holds 2 very special celebrations, and the first is... Groundhogs Day!! Ha, just kidding, Valentines Day :) <3  Now, I don't know about you lovely people but my Valentines day was beautiful... let me explain, this was the first year that I took Jesus, our Lord and Savior, the King of my heart and my desires, as my Valentine. Is that beautiful or what? Well it gets better my friends. In very special ways that only my heart and soul know, Jesus romanced me and called me his own through some of my deepest visible and invisible desires. A quick summary of my Valentines day would be... "Your love is better than wine" (Song of Songs 1:2) to say the very least. Ah! He is amazing. I hope all yours were well, if it wasn't then I am sorry.
Now, for the second, ok, well it really isn't a "celebration" by too many people's standards, but it is the beginning of Lent. The reason I say "celebration" is because really we get to become more like Christ through Lent, and that's something to rejoice in. Let's face it Lent is hard, but then again, following Christ is always hard, but also always beautiful. My struggle this Lent was finding something that was " good enough" to give up. I began, like usual, to kinda stress about it... but after talking to others about this, it was brought to my attention that nothing will ever be "enough". Christ died for us and our sins and nothing we will ever do will be enough to earn that gift. "For it is by grace alone that you have been saved" Ephesians 2, that is one of the main things I learned this month. So happy lenting everyone. For me, a few things I am doing are personal, but I'm fasting from social media ( El snapchat, fb, instagram) and am praying more to our beautiful Blessed Mother. So don't worry, try your best and know and accept that Christ's love is a gift. It's hard, but freeing. :)
To end this post, I want to share a couple more things I learned this month:

I am unique and beautiful, exactly the way the Father has made me.

Christ is a mystery, and not all mysteries are scary.

Loving hurts so much sometimes, that you don't know if you can do it anymore... but Christ can through you.

Be patient with myself. The Lord already is so I should be too. "Love is patient" is the first line of the Lord's explanation of a better way to love. 1 Cor. 13: 4

NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE WITH GOD.

And most importantly, let yourself feel pain, it's crappy ya, but without it there is no true forgiveness of yourself, or others.

There is much more to say, but as John writes in his gospel, I would need a thousand pages to write about how much the Lord has done. (summarized of course) haha. But hey, know that I am praying for you and that you are loved. I really mean that. Thank you for reading. Happy Lenting.

Love: Erika

Part of the Journey

Hey everyone, so I am currently in crazy spiritual desolation, but hey that's part of the spiritual life and we keep going right? Right. "This to shall pass"  Please pray for me to trust the Lord and to always remember how loved I really am by him, and I will pray the same for you. Love you all and thank you. Happy Valentines Day, Love in every way possible.

Sincerely: Erika

Rolling... Mission life: Take 2... and ACTION

Hey guys and gals, well yes as the title oh so clearly states, this is part 2 of the amazing mission the Lord has sent me on with Net Ministries :) Let's see what i am up to shall we? Yes.
Alright, so for a quick recap of my break... it truly was amazing to be home, to see my house and my family and my brothers that keep growing! My dogs are still fluffy which is great and my room is still there although my brothers had told me otherwise haha. The first thing I did when I got home was have my favorite pizza with my family! Shout out to chi chi's pizza. On break I also went to daily Mass on most days and saw so many people that have been supporting me this year which was a blessing. But then soon enough the 2 weeks were over, and I kissed sunny southern California goodbye once again.
To be honest, on the plane ride back to MN, I found myself again unsure of what the Lord was going to do in my life. I knew then that he had already done so much and I couldn't even think of what else could be done. I thought "How much further could he take me?" Well friends, don't ever put a limit on God. When I got back to the NET center I was actually really struggling. You see, during the second half of NET, everyone starts asking you what you will be doing the following year. Now for the average Joe this is a complicated question, for erika, this is an anxiety filled qurstion. Haha. All of these questions started flooding in, am I called to do NET a second year or go home? Am I called to go do mission somewhere else? Then the big questions hit... What am I going to do? Where am I called in life? Am I meant to be married? Am I being called to religious life? How do I figure that out? And honestly I was kind of a stress ball when I got back this second half. But the Lord calms the storm.
Through taking this to prayer over and over again, I realized that the Lord wants me to put even more trust in him than I ever have. And I don't need to know everything. He will guide me if I seek him first. One of the last things someone told me at the NET center this time around was "you don't need to know anything, just seek him first. Seek holiness and God will provide." And with that I was able to trust. And that's all the Lord really wanted from me, to trust him. To give him my future instead of holding on to it and worrying about it. He will guide.
And since then a lot of peace about the future has come to me. I don't know all the answers still, but I'm ok with that. I am trusting the Lord with my future. Now, for those of you who are actually reading this, that doesn't mean I don't have a plan for the future, it just means that I am open to the Lord changing my plans :)
Wow, that was a lot. Alright so ya, haha to follow that. I am here, and the Lord is back in action. The second half has started out great, very busy but beautiful too. The Lord is truly working in the teens and families here in Forest Lake. My team is wonderful, but pray for us, we are all getting over sickness and just lost a member of our team temporarily due to sickness.  I write this as I am on my sick bed haha. But truly pray for us. And pray for me when you can. I don't know what I was thinking when I questioned what the Lord has in store for me this half, because clearly trust is a big one, as well as my continued journey with love. Jesus and I celebrated our 2 monthaverssary on the 21st and he is still and always will be an amazing boyfriend.
Thanks a bunches for reading, you are in my prayers.
Sincerely, Erika